Poker Face

This post has nothing to do with the content of this song, only about two words sung in the chorus.

My blog friend Roia once told us: "I have learned over the years to pay attention to the lyrics that pop into my thoughts when I'm with a client. To me they're like messages sent from their consciousness to mine." I've experienced the same - either when I'm with a client or in my personal life. I’ve also experienced the reverse of this too. Sometimes when I listen to music a thought will pop in my head or I’ll see a scene as clearly as if I was watching a movie. This post is about a thought I have when I listen to Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face'. So maybe this is a message sent from my sub-consciousness to my consciousness?Anyway, every time I hear this song I always think of one thing… I don't think I have a good poker face.

We’ve all learned that when working with clients it’s good to have a neutral affect. When a client is showing a behavior that is inappropriate or attention seeking, for example, a facial reaction from the therapist might be reinforcing to that negative behavior. Or, a client may disclose information that the therapist might find emotionally touching on a personal level – maybe feeling surprised, saddened, or angry (to name a few). But showing a strong emotionally charged facial affect could be interpreted by the client as the therapist being judgmental, disapproving, or that their disclosure was ‘wrong’. At the same time, though, there’s nothing incorrect with using facial affect to show the client that the therapist has an understanding of the client’s point of view. As the therapist, having an awareness of your personal feelings and an awareness of your facial affect will help you to be sure that you are expressing what needs to be expressed to support your client.

This neutral affect or, ‘poker face’, is important outside of sessions too. I’m sure we’ve all been in situations where we’re at a meeting and a co-worker makes some off the wall comment causing you to think something like ‘is he/she for real?’ But, you are the boss or in front of your boss and you can’t say that out loud… it would be inappropriate (or possibly reinforcing a negative behavior like I mentioned before, it really depends on the situation). This is a case requiring the poker face.

So how do I work on this?

I consulted my therapy texts and was unable to find ‘how to’ information on displaying a neutral affect. I couldn’t Google myself an answer on this either. The only thing I could find a little bit close to this topic is information on how to be an active listener. I’m sure we all went over this area in class the same way by reading through the chapter on why listening is important, going over the list that defines active listening (eye contact, say ‘uh, huh’, etc.) then working to pairs to practice active listening techniques with our peers. But we didn’t go over the ‘how to’ on neutral affect.

So I started thinking:

What am I really trying to do here? I’m trying to learn how to give a neutral affect when told something.

Who do I know who is good at this whom I could seek counsel from? Other therapists (That’s too obvious, there must be someone else…).

Is there anyone else I know who gives a good affect? Yeah… comedic straight-men.

The skill I’m seeking here has to do with having an awareness and control of my face. Who else does that? Actors. And, who is able to control their face when told surprising information? Comedians.

Take a look at this:

We all know the ageless routine ‘Who’s on First?’ from Abbott and Costello. But really take a look at it. Costello exercises active listening skills – eye contact, head nodding, positive verbalizations – without showing overt emotion. He is listening to Abbott’s questions and answers them factually without showing frustration, annoyance, etc. AND at the same time he maintains a personable affect… he doesn’t look flat or robot-like.

Ok, but this is a rehearsed skit. What about improv comedians? Teachers and students from the LA improv group, The Groundlings, say that improvising is performing without a script and this is something that we all do in lives daily. We go shopping, interact with other people, etc. on our own without being told what to say. Improv comedy is doing the same on the stage with the actor saying what they need to say based on what is given to them in the scene.

Teachers and students from The Groundlings also say that when learning how to improvise the actor must listen and connect with their partner. The actor should be accepting of whatever is given by their partner and should not ask questions of their partner. Doing this places the responsibility of the momentum of the scene on their colleague rather than sharing the responsibility. Instead, the actors should make the scene about each other rather than about themselves.

There seem to be some parallels between improv acting/comedy and therapy situations:

1. The therapy session is unscripted and the therapist must work based off of what the client gives them during the session.
2. The therapist must listen and connect with the client.
3. The therapist should be accepting of their client.
4. The therapist should make the session about their client.

Some differences:

1. The therapist probably needs to ask questions to get more from the client or to prompt the client to process their thoughts and feelings.
2. The therapist should make the session about their client BUT the client should not feel pressure to make the session about the therapist in return.

Maybe the key to keeping a neutral affect has to do with the therapist’s attention. If you (the therapist) are working in the moment, listening to and accepting what your client says, and making the session about them and not your inner-workings… how do you have time to have any kind of emotional reaction that would show up on your face? Of course you would react to what they say by asking questions, creating musical experiences, etc. but those are clinical reactions. The therapist may have feelings of transference. But, if the therapist is able to be in the moment of the session with 100% focus wouldn’t that impede any immediate feelings of transference? The feelings will still be there, but wouldn’t the therapist feel them afterward? This is something I have experienced. The session ends and then when documenting I think: ‘what about this…?’ and ‘wow, that must feel…’, or even ‘that’s similar to when I…’ I didn’t have those thoughts during the session because I was ‘with’ the client. Now that it’s over and I’m processing, this is what is coming out.

Now, what about non-client related situations like meetings? Well, wouldn’t the same ‘complete focus’ technique apply? If I have complete focus on the purpose of the meeting, then I wouldn’t have time to have a feeling of annoyance toward my co-worker who just made a whack-a-do comment.

So maybe the secret of the poker face doesn’t have anything to do with controlling your face or acting a certain way at all. It has to do with really being focused on the purpose of the situation.

Mission-Based Business and New Projects!

I became a music therapist to help people live better lives.


At some time in our lives we have all been told something to the effect of ‘Live and Learn’, ‘Hindsight is 20/20’, etc. I’ve been experiencing all of the above in my professional life during the past three years. Looking back at past experiences and identifying what worked and what didn’t is a great way to learn and grow as a professional (and a person). But, I noticed that I was spending so much time looking back at experiences that I forgot the joy in going on a limb and trying something new. I’m speaking about both clinical and business situations.

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  Let me give you an example: Previously I worked for a large residential facility with adults diagnosed with intellectual delays. In this facility there were a lot of rules, procedures and paper work. (BTW: this is probably normal for these types of places). I really enjoyed working there and felt very comfortable working there (for the most part). Anyway, I fell in love, moved away and got married. There were no music therapist job openings in my new area so I had to go into private practice. With each private client I began working with I noticed that I created so much unnecessary paper work that I ended up giving myself a lot of unneeded stress and wasting a lot of time.
  
  
  

I ended up being paralyzed by experience. It was like I let that past experience give me blinders to what I was currently doing. I wasn’t balancing past knowledge with present knowledge. And this led me away from my primary focus: To help people live better lives.


To maintain focus I’ve been trying to live a mission-based professional life. The mission: To improve the quality of life and personal growth of others. Although this is a focused statement, there are many possibilities in how to make it happen. Work with clients, help others with clients better, promote useful programs, supporting projects, on and on. Having a mission has really helped me prioritize projects and keep an open and creative mind in business and clinical situations.

This week is the debut of the first project that was created through this mission-based mindset. It is a songbook written by Rachel Rambach, a music therapist in central Illinois. Rachel has been writing therapeutic songs for years to educate children and sharing them on her blog . Rachel is also a guest blogger at Songs For Teaching™ and is the composer and narrator for the Model Me Kids® ‘Model Me Faces & Emotions™ series. She has an impressive online following with fans including parents, teachers and music therapists from around the world. Now she has one more contribution: her songbook Listen and Learn: Educational songs for school, home and play. She is truly one of music therapy’s best kept secrets.


Rachel Rambach is successful because her music has proven to help the lives of others. I’m so proud to have been able to partner with her to launch this resource for those working with children and to continue to serve my mission to improve the quality of life and personal growth of others.

Book Review

The Guinea Pig Diaries
My Life as an Experiement

By A.J. Jacobs




This book is exactly what the title says. Author A.J. Jacobs writes about different life experiments he undertakes as he attempts to understand some quirks of life. 

My favorite chapters:

• My outsourced life
• What would George Washington Do?
• The unitasker

My explanation doesn't do it justice because this guy really walks the walk in his experiments producing an extremely funny, entertaining and thought provoking book. I couldn't help reading passages out loud to my husband saying, 'you've gotta hear this...'.

This book is really relatable. I've been growing as a professional (and human) using a combination of the ‘Live and Learn’ and ‘Learn from a Role Model’ methods. I found that reading about how another person went about growing in their life to be validating and inspiring. Thanks A.J.!

Lesson Learned... Professional Support

Support

This is a word that music therapists like to use a lot. We love to provide a basic accompaniment while clients explore an instrument or walk around the room. We love reassuring clients that 'there are no wrong answers' when brain-storming new lyrics to a group song. I love it, you love it, we all love it.

There is another side of support too. Support for the therapist. This is something that I vaguely remember my professors talking about but it wasn't until I was in the field for about four years until I really, really realized how important it is to have a professional support system.

It all started when I started crying as I was talking to Suzanne Oliver at a music therapy conference. It's a horrible story, really. I had just moved from Pennsylvania (an area densely populated with music therapists) to Florida (an area with many music therapists but you can't actually find them because they're all hidden behind the palm trees). I was starting a private practice out of necessity and trying to stay positive but I was really out of my comfort zone, really over my head, and really, REALLY, stressed out. I went to talk to Ms. Oliver after her presentation.

Our conversation went something like this:
Me - "I really liked your presentation, I'm in private practice and I'm really interested in NMT"

Suzanne - "Hey, that's great, how's private practice going?"

Me - "It's...." *sob*, *tear*, *sob*...

Suzanne - "Going into business can be stressful. Here's my card, give me an email, It's really important to have support."

Beyond embarrassing but I'm glad I can laugh about it now... it only took me two years to get over the whole thing.

I took her advice and it turned out to be great advice. It's so easy to meet other music therapists in the world to share experiences. You don't have to be physically close to another person to have them in your group either. Join Facebook and everyone will crawl out of the wood work. Then take it a step further. Find people who you identify with and who you feel would also give honest advice. Reach out to them to establish a relationship. Then, when you feel comfortable and the need to share with someone... SHARE!

With my new move to an even more remote area of Florida, I've been encountering some roadblocks with establishing music therapy services. The roadblocks now are the same ones I had two years ago, too. Strangely enough, not only am I facing the same challenges as I did before, I'm also feeling the same stress and sometimes discouragement I felt before. But one thing is different. I have a resource of supporters out there with me. I can reach out to them and they even reach out to me. I love it when they reach out to me too... after all, I love to be a support, I am a therapist.

Blog update... what do you think about the new name?

Welcome to the updated blog. My hubby and I have successfully landed in southeastern Florida and I am working to establish music therapy in my new area. The old blog "Music Therapy In Orlando" didn't make sense and I don't have clients yet here in Martin County, FL so I didn't want to create another business-type blog. I've been noticing that my thoughts aren't revolving around business anymore, they're revolving around me thinking "What do I want to do now?" It's not an identity crisis, I know I want to keep with music therapy. But with the move I get a professional blank slate in a new area. I think it's a blessing and a rare opportunity, really, but... what DO I want to do now?

I've been a professional MT for 6 years now. It's great. I have had the privilege to work not only with different clients but in different places (state facilities, private practice, and large facilities) AND in different capacities (in charge, on interdisciplinary teams, under other mts, supervising interns). I also have not been in the business long enough to be able to say things like "it used to be like this..." or have witnessed first-hand a history of anything mt related. I feel like a tween: a preadolescent in between two stages of professional life. Wikipedia has a very interesting article listing the views of the preadolescent and I can't help identifying with EVERY bullet (my comments are in italics):

'Preadolescent children -

• May have a fear of kidnappings, rapes, and scary media events, as opposed to fantasy things (i.e. witches, monsters, ghosts). My professional fears are more realistic, I used to be afraid of performing in front of people, now I'm worried I won't get job.
• Have a more developed sense of looking into the future and seeing effects of their actions (as opposed to early childhood where children often do not worry about their future). Self explanatory.
• Have more realistic job expectations ("I want to be an engineer when I grow up", as opposed to "I want to be a wizard"). I'm realistic, trust me.
• Often have more chores, such as mowing the lawn, delivering papers, collecting things from friends or relatives and shovelling snow in winter, or helping out in rural activities such as caring for livestock and hauling wood. As a young professional, I just had to do a job, now I must do that and have the other chores of explaining mt to the world.
• View human relationships differently (i.e. they may notice the flawed, human side of authority figures) . I have realized that my old professors, supervisors, and mt legends are actually just regular people.
• Begin to develop a sense of self-identity. Self explanatory.
• Have increased feelings of independence. Amen!
• Have a different view on morality. Absolutely.
• More mature, sensible, realistic thoughts and actions. I'd like to think so.
• Are responsible for younger siblings and relatives, such as babysitting. Pets, husband, society.
• Often beginning to experience limerence, Puppy Love, or love. Yes, lucky for me!
• May start caring about what they look like and wearing make-up.' Totally, I'm still looking for the lip-stick shade that says "Trust me, I may not have been around all the corners of the block but I'm DEFINITELY living in the neighborhood ". (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preadolescence)

I don't think I'm the only one going through this. So, I invite all to contribute.

Welcome to the journey!

Music Therapy in Orlando Changes

The business is experiencing some changes. One change is the addition of a new face, Holly Latham, MT-BC. She is a fantastic new music therapist in the Orlando area. She is the new face of MTO because I will be moving to SE Florida to a beautiful and much smaller town. Holly has been kind enough to take over all MTO clients and future referrals.

It's stressful to deal with moving in our current economic climate. But I'm excited to end a chapter and start a chapter in life. A romantic notion, I guess. I'm looking forward to bringing music therapy to our new home, a town where there doesn't seem to be any music therapy going on. This is a good thing for business and I feel confident that it will be well received.

If the blog changes, it will be blogged about.

Wish me luck!!!

Book Review

The Last Lecture
By Randy Pausch

"Time is all you have... and you may find one day that you have less than you think"
Carnegie Mellon University holds a lecture series where a professor is asked to imagine their passing and give a presentation on whatever it is that they would want to tell everyone. Randy Pausch, a professor at CMU, was invited to speak. Only he did not have to imagine anything. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and medical treatment was deemed no longer affective. This book is his lecture and more.
So what would YOU say?
Randy spoke about his childhood dreams, some of which included being in zero gravity and writing an article in the World Book Encyclopedia. He spoke of how, in some way or another, he achieved them along with other life lessons learned. He shares how his family and experiences shaped his point of view and how he worked and grew into a man, son, husband, father, and teacher.
Music therapists often work with people at the end of life. We often encourage them to communicate their feelings by composing songs. The patient gives us the words and we structure them in music. Randy gave a lecture and he used a columnist to structure it into a book. Lucky for all of us, he gives us a glimpse into the deep thoughts of a person nearing death along with words to live by. All people working in palliative care must experience his story.
Sure you can watch the lecture on youtube but as is always true, the book is better than the movie. Don't cut yourself short.